Funny Chinese Boyfriend Meet Family for the First Time

"Nervous" doesn't even begin to describe how I felt when I was well-nigh to run across John'southward parents in rural Hangzhou for the first time. Later all, once John told his parents he was dating me, his father famously told him that while he could be friends with a foreign girl, simply shouldn't date her.

Ouch.

Meeting the parents inspires all sorts of anxiety no thing where you alive in the world – but even more than then when you're a foreigner and yous're about to run into the parents of your Chinese swain or girlfriend here in Prc. On superlative of all the usual pitfalls, y'all're also dealing with a different culture, language and living customs. It's like getting ready for an test when you don't even know the entire curriculum.

Fortunately, I've survived meeting the parents. And I've heard from a lot of others who have successfully made it through. Here are 6 tips I've learned over the years to assist you prepare for meeting the parents in China:

i. Ask your girlfriend or beau all about their parents

My hubby's mother is a fantastic cook.

There's always a story behind everyone'south parents. Why not find out? It'south a great manner to get to know them before y'all actually meet them and figure out potential ways to bond with them.

I e'er wish I had done this earlier I first met John's parents. Perhaps so I would take figured out how much his mom loves to melt – just like me — and asked to watch her in the kitchen more? Or that his dad likes to read classic Chinese texts – which I'm always interested in — and so I could have asked him about, say, Confucianism or Taoist stories.

2. Learn everything you can about the hometown

John's hometown is famous for this mount at the center of it all.

I thing I've learned from years of living in Red china? Everyone has a lilliputian hometown pride. So if you lot want to get a little closer to the parents, what ameliorate way than to learn virtually their hometown?

Start with your young man or girlfriend offset – they're your closest experts – and also don't forget to consult travel guides (which, depending on what attractions/history the hometown has, might tell you something). Most Chinese cities and counties even have Wikipedia pages in English, which might even teach you lot something your significant other doesn't know.

iii. Prepare gifts for the family unit

Past Goaname (Own work) [GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html) or CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Gift giving is such an of import thing in Chinese culture – and then important, that you don't want to prove up to your first meeting with the parents without a gift in your hands. Chances are, they're going to entertain you with a dwelling house-cooked dinner and even put you upward for the night. There'due south no better way to prove your appreciation from the moment you enter their domicile than bearing a nowadays for them.

I've written a number of posts on what to requite to your Chinese family (including ideas for those of you coming to China from overseas). Honestly, I would ask your girlfriend or boyfriend get-go for some ideas before rushing out to the store.

Merely if they can't think of anything – and you're still stumped most what to buy – repeat after me: fruit basket. Y'all actually can't go wrong with ownership them a overnice fruit handbasket. You'll detect fruit baskets at any major supermarket in Cathay or those fruit stores on the street. Everyone loves them.

4. Learn a few phrases in the local dialect

My husband'due south grandmother only speaks the local dialect.

Mandarin Chinese may exist the official language – but chances are, it's non your girlfriend's or beau'southward female parent tongue. The vast majority of people grew up speaking a local dialect. It's their linguistic equivalent of that comfortable pair of jeans you beloved wearing around the firm, and that's what you'll probably hear around the dinner table.

Only recollect how amazed they'll be if you can master a handful of simple words or phrases in the local dialect! Even if it's every bit elementary as "Howdy" or "Thank you" you'll probably have everyone in smiles. Or laughing! After all, you're probably the first foreigner they've always seen speaking information technology. (My husband ever giggles whenever I try out his local dialect!)

5. Dress casual, comfortable and err on the conservative side

Hither in urban China, I've seen enough Daisy Dukes, mini-skirts and skorts, and tank tops to know that style has come a long way since the days of ho-hum blue and grayness Mao suits. And afterwards witnessing my sis-in-law pull off an ultra-short jean skort at Granddad's funeral – something I would accept never dared to do for a funeral in the US — I also know that my idea of what's advisable doesn't always utilise.

Nevertheless, if you lot desire to give Baba and Mama a neat get-go impression, y'all're better off leaving your Daisy Dukes and ultra mini-skirts behind. Many Chinese parents experience wary almost having foreigners in the family, and stereotypes almost foreigners (such as the idea that Western women are promiscuous) only fuel their concerns. Yeah, I know it'due south unfair, but that'due south the reality.

Look at it this way. Even in Western countries – like the US, my abode state – people afflict over what to wear to meet the parents for the starting time time, enough to write articles almost it. Hither's what 1 of them wrote: "No matter how classy your mini-apparel is, his mom volition say the skirt was too brusk."

Enough said.

Instead, go for something that's casual, comfortable and on the conservative side. Recall nice jeans and T-shirts (with long or short sleeves) or sweaters if it's cooler out; for summertime, you lot tin exercise dainty shorts or skirts just to a higher place the articulatio genus or below.

Forget well-nigh wearing a squeamish dress or conform, unless you're told otherwise. This is, later all, a country where people routinely evidence up to wedding banquets dressed in jeans, T-shirts and sneakers. Seriously!

5. Apparel to stay warm enough in their home

Even though John's hometown is non that cold in the winter, I must article of clothing multiple layers to stay warm within homes without central heating.

My husband is still shocked that I never used to vesture long johns under my wearable while growing up in Cleveland, Ohio. Even though I faced a winter that could last as long as iv months or more, with beneath-freezing temperatures and tons of snowfall, staying warm was never an issue. We had key heating at home and pretty much anywhere we traveled. Even our auto had heat.

Meanwhile, my husband's hometown sits at the very same latitude as New Orleans and Houston, and he'southward spent his entire life counting on long johns to help stay warm through the fall, winter and spring. Why? Because he's used to having no heat inside the business firm, wherever he is – even in school.

So don't only look at the atmospheric condition when y'all're packing your numberless – inquire your girlfriend or boyfriend what it's actually like in their home. Find out whether they have any heat, including hot water, and if it will exist available when you're at that place. Also, ask him or her what they unremarkably wear effectually the house at home.

Hither'southward a good full general rule of thumb – China's Yangtze river is like the Mason-Dixon line of heating through the country, where N of that people usually accept some form of estrus provided by the government (they plow it on sometime in November and off sometime in April) and South of that people practice without. That said, there are ALWAYS exceptions and it pays to ask alee of time.

And please, if y'all're traveling during the winter months, don't forget your long johns – trust me!

half-dozen. Bring photos

I brought photos like this 1 of me and my grandmother to prove to John's parents.

As the old cliché goes, a motion-picture show's worth a chiliad words – and who couldn't use an actress thou words or 2 when y'all're in front end of two parents you've never met? Photographs provide a perfect way for you to connect with your significant other's Baba and Mama without saying a lot. Y'all tin can show them your family, pictures from your hometown and even the beautiful places you've visited. Thank you to the photos I lugged around to my first visit to meet John's parents, I was able to break the ice with his dad and finally make a connexion – plenty to make him realize I was the kind of foreign girl worth dating (and, afterwards, marrying).

What has been your experience with coming together the parents? What advice do you have?

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Source: https://www.speakingofchina.com/china-articles/6-ways-prepare-meeting-parents-china/

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